dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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