Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
