i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
