He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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