So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
