Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
