I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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