Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
