Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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