since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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