What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
