is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
