I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
