mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
