apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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