16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
