If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
