I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
