shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
