I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
