i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
