It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
