Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
