turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
