Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
