you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
