I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
