Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
