i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
