So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
