Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
