Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
