As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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