No awkward lesbian experiences without me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
