I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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