just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
