talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
