Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
