My balls are so social today.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
