I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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