i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
