Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
