At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
