And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i think my cat just said my name.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
