I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
