You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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