Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
