I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
