My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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