He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
