hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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