i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
