Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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